periya thirumozhi – 1.1.5 – kaLvanEn AnEn

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periya thirumozhi >> First centum >> First decad

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pAsuram

kaLvanEn AnEn padiRu seidhiruppEn
kaNdavA thirithandhEnElum
theLLiyEn AnEn selgadhikkamaindhEn
chikkenath thiruvaruL peRREn
uLLelAm urugik kural thazhuththozhindhEn
udambelAm kaNNanIr sOra
naLLiruL aLavum pagalum nAn azhaippan
nArAyaNA ennum nAmam

Word-by-Word meanings

kaLvanEn AnEn – (Previously, bhagavAn’s possession AthmA) I stole;
padiRu – very evil acts
seydhu iruppEn – I kept doing;
kaNda A – any aspects seen
thirithandhEnElum – even after engaging
thiru aruL – (his) merciful glance
sikkena – firmly
peRREn – I got;
theLLiyEn AnEn – I acquired clarity (about his lordship and my servitude);
sel – to travel in (archirAdhi mArgam, the path leading to paramapadham)
gadhikku – to paramapadham
amaindhEn – became complete, to go;

(further)
uL elAm – all that which are inside (i.e., bones, nerves) my body
urugi – melting
kural – tone
thazhuththu ozhindhEn – stuttered;
udambu elAm – everywhere on my body
kaNNa nIr sOra – to have tears of happiness flow over
naL – dense
iruL aLavum – throughout the night
pagal aLavum – throughout the day
nArAyaNA ennum nAmam – the divine name, nArAyaNa
nAn – I, the servitor
azhaippan – got to call out.

Simple translation

Previously I stole this AthmA which is owned by bhagavAn; I kept doing very evil acts; I firmly received his merciful glance even after engaging in worldly aspects which were seen; I acquired clarity about his lordship and my servitude; I became complete and ready to travel to parampadham; all that which are inside my body are melting and my tone stuttered; throughout the dense night and day, I, the servitor, got to call out the divine name, nArAyaNa to have tears of happiness flow over my body. kaNdavARu is written as kaNdavA and ellAm is written as elAm.

Highlights from vyAkyAnam (Commentary)

  • kaLvanEn AnEn – In comparison with someone who stole firewood, the one who stole precious gems, will acquire more sins; in comparison to someone who stole the wealth of SUdhra, the one who stole the wealth of brAhmaNa, will acquire more sins; I stole the best entity, that is AthmA; I claimed ownership of a belonging of sarvESvaran; [hence, I accumulated great sin, from both the object which is stolen and from whom it is stolen].
  • padiRu seydhiruppEn – If it itches inside the neck/throat, one cannot scratch to eliminate the itch. In this manner, I became a great thief who accumulated great sin. Not only did I consider my body to be self, but when I saw Ashtikas (faithful ones) who think “this AthmA is a servitor of ISvara”, I would ask them “How can there be an AthmA which is different from body? How can there be an ISvara?” and steal bhagavAn’s possession in this manner.
  • kaNdavA thirithandhEnElum – I was simply following on a bodily platform without knowing the truth instead of withdrawing from the aspects which are forbidden by SAsthram. As said in sthOthra rathnam 58 “nrupaSu:” (animal in a human body), I would seek out the pleasures which are attained from others, from own mother as well.
  • theLLiyEn AnEn – While I was like this, [suddenly] like those who understand the difference between essence and extraneous aspects, and engage in what is allowed and avoid what is forbidden [in SAsthram], I became knowledgeable.
  • sel gadhikku amaindhEn – I became to be thought and said by emperumAn as in “He is acting in a manner to remain in samsAram forever; from now onwards, he does not belong in this samsAram, he belongs in paramapadham”. There is an abode which should be reached – that is, paramapadham. I became complete, to belong there.

When asked “You first said ‘kaNdavA thirithandhEn‘ and then said ‘theLLiyEn AnEn‘. This seems contradictory!” AzhwAr says,

  • sikkenath thiruvaruL peRREn – I got his grace, to not have to look back ever.

When asked “What benefit did you get?” AzhwAr says,

  • uL elAm urugik kural thazhuththu ozhindhEn – The bones and nerves inside the body melted and that is shown in my stuttering tone.
  • udambelAm kaNNa nIr sOra – SrIvishNu thathvam “AhlAdha SItha nEthrAmbu: pulakI krutha gAthravAn” (One who is having cool happy tears due to blissful experience of bhagavAn etc – the purpose of everyone is to see such persons). All over the body, tears overflow as necklace with five layers and necklace with three layers.
  • naL iruL aLavum pagalum nAn azhaippan nArAyaNA ennum nAmam –  Both the night when worldly pleasures are enjoyed and the day when wealth for future enjoyment is earned, are fully spent in reciting the divine name by me.

In the next article we will enjoy the next pAsuram.

adiyen sarathy ramanuja dasan

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