thiruvAimozhi – 10.3 – vEymaruthOL

As AzhwAr could not perform service immediately in thiruvananthapuram, he ended up having to doubt unnecessarily.

AzhwAr was eager to serve along with SrIvaishNavas; but he did not get to go and serve in that abode as he desired. AzhwAr is highlighting his state of his mind through the words of a pirAtti (consort of emperumAn). due to

• not being able to reach there
• not being able to serve, matching his eagerness,
• the impressions from lengthy separation from him and the fear acquired in thinking about the connection with achith (matter/body) since time immemorial,
• the fear acquired in thinking about ISvara’s svAthanthriyam (freewill) – that is, his freewill of giving himself to SiSupAla but refusing to do so for SrI bharathAzhwAn, and
• thinking that he does not have the bhakthi to have ISvara come and accept him,

The reasons (all of these listed here) for the removal of his fear previously, has now become the cause for his fear.

• AzhwAr need not worry about not reaching there immediately. Since AzhwAr is of the nature as said in periya thiruvandhAdhi 34 “pAlAzhi nI kidakkum paNbai yAm kEttEyum kAlAzhum nenjazhiyum kaN suzhalum” (When I hear about the beauty with which you are reclining in the milk ocean, my legs become weak, my heart melts and my eyes spin around) when he meditates upon emperumAn, as he cannot even take one more step due to overwhelming devotion.
• AzhwAr need not fear for not getting to serve emperumAn immediately since as said in thiruvAimozhi 3.4 “pugazhu nal oruvan“, as emperumAn is of the nature of considering anything said [by his devotees] as service rendered. He is of the nature that whatever we think or say, will consider them as service rendered unto him.
• Now, prahlAdha who was treated inimically by his own father, was saved by bhagavAn who remained closer to him than his father, only to become inimical towards bhagavAn [and eventually realised his mistake and surrendered to bhagavAn again]. Thus, AzhwAr feared for prakruthi sambandham as said in thiruvAimozhi 2.9.10 “thEREl ennai” (not having faith in me), as in the case of knowledge acquired by one with body which is similar to clarity acquired by a bewildered person; but he need not fear like that since he is having his senses attached to bhagavAn as said in thiruvAimozhi 2.8 “mudiyAnE“.
• AzhwAr need not fear for emperumAn‘s svAthanthriyam since he remains the means to get rid of the hurdles as well, as said in SrI bhagavath gIthA 18.66 “sarva pApEbhyO mOkshayishyAmi” (I will liberate you from all of your sins).
• AzhwAr need not fear for not having bhakthi since he held prapaththi (surrender) [in turn bhagavAn himself] as the means.

Now, AzhwAr is in this state due to not having the physical vision which will make him forget this samsAra as said in chAndhOgya upanishath 8.12.3 “nOpajanam smaran idham SarIram” (AthmA will not contemplate about the material body after reaching the spiritual realm). AzhwAr’s lengthy separation from emperumAn makes him remain confused, to be separated even while being together [In previous decad, AzhwAr enjoyed thiruvananthapuram as if being in paramapadham], where emperumAn’s physical presence is of no use [This can also be seen as AzhwAr speaking in the mood of a gOpikA who is with emperumAn, but still fearing separation]. As the material body is present where there is scope for separation from emperumAn, AzhwAr is still tormented. This confusion in AzhwAr’s is due to being blessed by bhagavAn himself with unblemished knowledge and devotion, due to the mercy of bhagavAn himself, in the form of parabhakthi and which is a result of taste towards him. Now, AzhwAr’s confusion will be eliminated only if ISvara is placed with him in a place where he cannot move away.

A pirAtti (consort, a gOpikA) who united with krishNa and subsequently separated for a long time, reunited with him again; while he was with her, during the dawn time when he previously separated from her, she observed many signs matching that time (period) of the day such as blowing of high winds, cuckoos singing, peacocks dancing, as the cows and calves start going towards the forest for grazing and thought “he won’t stop leaving now; as he needs to protect the cows, he will not remain here with us; hence, he must have left” and determined that he has left while he was with her there; in his presence, she started feeling the pain which she previously endured in his absence in thiruvAimozhi 9.5 “innuyirch chEval” and thiruvAimozhi 9.9 “malligai kamazh thenRal” etc. This danger cannot be eliminated even by sarvaSakthi (omnipotent lord). That is – it is not that he is away and he can come and eliminate the danger; also it is not that he is planning to go and he drops that plan. Suffering in this manner, she says “You will certainly not avoid going to herd the cows; your separation is not to my liking; hence, I feel that I should stop you from leaving; my mouth is dry now; to remedy this situation, you should place your hand on my head; you should not go to herd the cows; I am fearing for you thinking ‘if you go to tend the cows in the dangerous forest, what will happen to you due to the asuras and rAkshasas (demoniac persons)?’ ” [Will a gOpikA have such motherly affection?] Now, as said in subhAla upanishath “mAthA pithA brAthA nivAsa: SaraNam suhrudh gathir nArAyaNa:” (nArAyaNa is mother, father, brother, residence, refuge, well-wisher, goal), since he remains as all types of relatives, when the AthmA acquires sambandha gyAnam (knowledge about the relationships with emperumAn), the AthmA will experience various types of separations as said in SrI rAmAyaNam ayOdhyA kANdam 18.68 “yadhA yadhA hi” (kausalyA assumed various moods such as servitor, friend, wife etc with dhaSaratha at appropriate times). Thus, as she suffers saying “I will not survive if you leave me”, he contemplates all of these and says “Alright. I won’t go” and makes her understand that and sustains her and completes this decad.

With this, the ultimate stage of thAdharthyam (existing fully for bhagavAn) is explained. He determined the same in thiruvAimozhi 2.9 “emmA vIdu” saying in thiruvAimozhi 2.9.4 “thanakkEyAga enaikkoLLum IdhE” (to be fully dependent on him); this is even firmer than that. There, AzhwAr said “you should accept me [for your pleasure, not mine]”; but here AzhwAr is saying “you can be with me or you can be with others; all I need is your satisfaction”. There, when he said “enakku” (for me), it was said to make sure that it becomes purushArtham (which is desired by the individual). That is only to distinguish the self from achith (matter), emperumAn will not be the goal, if one does not desire for him and he too will not engage desirously with such person.

Each pAsuram is discussed subsequently.